Last Friday was a pretty bad day. Work was screwed up, and I got caught in an absolutely blinding thunderstorm on the way home, and all I wanted to do was get home, pill The Runt, and then sit down and relax.
I walked in the door and the phone rang.
"Rockycat? It's T! Do you like pizza?"
T is the neighbor across the street, an absolutely sweet old lady who lives all alone. I usually really enjoy chatting with her about her garden, and her kids, and all manner of things. But when she asked if I liked pizza, I thought I knew what was coming. I thought she was going to invite me over for dinner, and I was just so damn tired, and The Runt hadn't had his pill yet, and all I wanted to do was just throw some shorts and a t-shirt on and sit down and relax, and now I'd have to go sit with T and oh dear God and
"Actually", I said, "I'm allergic. To pizza."
Whaaaaaaaa? Back the f*ck up. Did I just say that? Where the hell did THAT come from?! Realizing how STUPID it sounded (is it even possible to be allergic to pizza?), I dug myself in a little deeper.
"Well, not pizza, actually. It's oregano I'm allergic to".
What IS this, an episode of The Brady Bunch? The one where Jan lied to a nice little old lady and then couldn't go to the school dance because they were serving pizza there?
T was very sweet about the whole thing, if a little perplexed. She explained that her daughter had brought her a half-sheet for dinner and she had a bunch left over and wanted to know if I'd like some, and now I felt like the biggest jerk in the history of the world.
Why did I lie? Even if she DID invite me over, all I had to do was explain that I was tired and would have to take a raincheck. I just SO did not want to hurt her feelings, and I blurted out the first excuse I could think of, and this is why I'd be going to hell if I believed in that sort of thing.
I lied to a little old lady. I told her I was allergic to pizza*. I feel horrible.
Every time I start to think I'm a halfway decent human being, I go and pull something like this. Damn.
*which is INSANE. Jeezus Christ I can't even LIE right. NOBODY'S allergic to pizza. F*ck.